I love horror movies. Absolutely my favorite kind of movies. Fun to watch and makes people scared. Except me. I was scared by one movie in my life. Not ready to divulge that.
But after watching somethings I always just feel alone. I feel like I don't matter to anyone. Like I don't mean anything to anyone. And that I never will. In movies everyone means something to someone else, but in real life I don't think it works that way. Life may be interesting, but only when you have connections to other people in your life.
I don't know what to do with myself to make me know how to change, but it's all I want to do. I just want to mean something to someone. I think I might have at two different points in my life, but as always I just let the relationships fall to the wayside and fell into darkness once again. I want to be in the light again instead of always feeling shrouded. My family doesn't get it and I don't want to explain it. There are a very limited amount of my friends who are willing to sit through me telling them everything and the ones who think they know everything...don't know everything.
Get me talking about movies and I won't stop. I can tell you a lot about different movies. It's my last connection to people in my mind and the only reason I might matter to others. One movie quote sums up the way I feel: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
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